Our Three Cats' Journal, part 2

Note: the following entries were found on my desktop at home. For those who claim cats can’t type, please consider all of the speech to text software available. Our working theory is that the cats, at night when everyone’s asleep, speak in meows and such into a speech-to-text software app, which output is then pasted into something like Google Translate.

TIGER here. I’m the mom and the queen.

I don't get what's so hard for my servants to understand -

The water in the toilet bowl is cold, running, and delicious.

Yeah - all my servants use it like it's an outhouse but the handle takes thier garbage away.

Duh.

They probably dont want me to drink it becuase they want to drink some themsleves in thier stupid clangy metal water bottles. THey could and hsoudl just drink from teh toilets at wherever they go all day.

I mean - when I cant get the toilet bowl water, I just drink water from the table. I don't know why my servants think it's a religious altar they pray on or something. Let me make this very simple - when I drink water form a glass cup that's on the table it is BETTER than drinking from a plastic water bowl that my son and husband slobbered all over. See?

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BEAN Here -

I LOVE cuddling with my servants Fresca and Fitz! Sometimes I have a long day and I just need to relax and goto sleep with someone who likes to cuddle with me. It's so nice. I wish they were home all day, playing and cuddling with me.

So sometimes I get put in “TIme Out'“ but I don't get it - I just cuddle on the toilet rug, and the white noise of the fan with the night light are so soft and soothing I just go to sleep. Sometimes I have to meow if the tall fat dumb one comes in, takes out the night light and cant find the toilet - in teh dark, like a moron. THe other day he took me out to the trampoline of death which I hate so I had to teach him alesson - with my claws, before I escaped the bouncing dungeon. Sometimes I think he really is slow.

Sometimes I hunt my stuffies, my stuffed animals, and - dont tell anyone this - but I hide them in a secret part of the couch. No one knows about it but me. When my servants reach down there to try and take me to fall asleep with them, i can claw them without being seen, like a bat or flying cat or somethign like that. HA HA HA!!

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MIDNIGHT here.

I used to sleep in bunk beds in my room but then my hoomans, my staff - ya know, the people that work for me came down the stairs, laid down, and - I need my space. I am a hunter. I am THE hunter. I wish I could bring home all my kills but the little girl, and the little boy want to see the animals alive. I'm not sure how to hunt like that but I think my wifey can. They should ask her. She's must be going thru menopause or Cat-o-pause because she ran after a fox once and clawed up a bog dog's nose. Must be hormones.

I try to tell them this but they dont understand. THey just say: good kitty and pet me. I'm like: No - this is my bed and my room - you should be able to tell since my litter box is in the same room. Is yours? I dont see a human litter box in here, do you? Maybe you should go to the Time Out room and use our drinking fountain as your tlitter box since you probably dont even know how to use a litter box correctly, at least the tall fat one doesn't knwo how, I'm sure. He's always asking for people to help clean him up. Gross.